School—schmeul

Another LONG day of studying—13 hours (that's about my average per day). You think I would be smart, but I am not. Learning is a journey; a seriously hard journey. There is so much knowledge out there; thinking about it is overwhelming—exciting, but overwhelming.

I seriously feel as though I am going to have a mental breakdown, all I can think about is how signifiers, signify the sign which determines the signified; the celts invaded England only to be invaded by the Romans, which the Anglo Saxons then divided and conquered, only to be later conquered by the Danish invasion; Beowulf, Chaucer, Mystery Play, Morality Plays, Mysticism; how to calculate the interest earned when I am semi-annually compounding, quarterly compounding, finding the annuity, subtracting the assets from the liabilities so I can determine net worth; finding the critical theories of Marxism, Feminism, Psychoanalytical, New Historicism in literature; and arguing how Dickens bildungsroman is the perfect model to discover self-deceptions and identity in his protagonist—Pip. All the while I am trying to remember what Pips actual name is, the young boy he views as "pale and strange;" what simple interest installment loan actually means; who Henry the VII was, Henry the II, James the I, Edward the III (is there an Edward the III, I don't even know); how to say "my cat is independent" in Swedish; all the while living with turrets of the neck (I just invented that—I pulled my neck out).

How am I doing it?

"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty." ~ Henry Ford

I don't want to grow old.

"Be smart. You are all in school. Do not waste your time. This is a time of great opportunity that you will never have again as long as you live. Make the most of it right now. It is wonderfully challenging. It is hard, it is tough, isn’t it? But what a wonderful thing to go and learn of all the accumulated knowledge of all the centuries of time. Go on to college or whatever school, vocational school, whatever your choice is, but take advantage of every opportunity that you have because the Lord has laid upon you a mandate through revelation to the Prophet Joseph Smith concerning not only spiritual learning but secular learning. Yours is the responsibility, and you can’t afford to waste your time. There is so much to learn. Be smart. Give it the very best that you have." - Gordon B. Hinckley, Prophet and 15th President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I am trying to live Gods law.

My sister sent me these—puts it all in perspective I guess— "AHAH, SIGH" I'm going to bed.