Brotherhood Thoughts + Awesome Kid Moments

I can't tell you just how happy it makes me to see all of my prayers (4 years worth) coming to fruition.  Beckahm and Amari's relationship has blossomed into something I have yearned so deeply for.  Sure they argue and fight and annoy each other on a daily basis, but the love, the tenderness, they care they have for each other runs so deep now.

Just to see Beckahm, after his soccer game when he could have ran back on the field to kick the ball with this teammates, run over and say "I just want to see Amari" (and that is just ONE of the many examples), just shows me how much they care for one another.


A few things that have improved greatly that I love seeing—it truly warms my heart:

• They have loved sleeping in the same room together
• They play now together multiple times a day.  I love seeing and hearing their imaginations at work.
• They miss each other when the other is away
• When they have playdates with other kids they still include one another and love being around one another. 
• When one is hurt or sad the other (usually Amari) will go and check on them and shows concern
• They encourage and support each other in their interests (Amari will clap for Beckahm at his soccer practices, and Becks will encourage Amari when he is trying to learn to ride his bike)

It moves me to tears to know that I WAS INSPIRED to keep Beckahm at home this year.  It has been such a difficult decision because I never want to hold him back, but I can see answers to why it was necessary.  I feel like Beckahm is acting more his age—his curiosity about age appropriate things are coming out; he is so much kinder and inclusive of his brother (when he was going to K he came across like he was better than Amari in a lot of ways; he was just simply maturing too fast).  I am so proud of Beckahm for helping me out, for loving his brother and for being such a great leader in our home.  I feel like Amari is getting better with his speech and that he growing up more and more as Beckahm is more attentive to him and makes him feel like he is valuable and important.  I hope this brotherhood and this love that they share continues as they grow up.

We did have a pretty scary moment.  This park is HUGE and towards the end of the day I lost Amari.  Becks and I went looking for him for 20 minutes and couldn't find him.  Becks started to cry, scared something happened to his brother, and I was panicking.  I told Beckahm we needed to say a prayer as it was getting dark soon.  We went over to another area and a long ways a way Becks spotted him.  He had seem some young boys running for track and he decided to up and follow them.  They were, THANKFULLY, trying to help him find his mom.  I am grateful I had that experience, despite it terrifying me.  Beckahm was able to learn, once again, of the power of prayer. And it made him realize just how much he loved his brother. 

They are officially sharing a room; Amari has slept so much better being comforted knowing his brother is right there beside him :)

These are the moments that remind me what my role and duty is as a Mom. Ever since we got back from Universal Studios Becks has been obsessed with Harry Potter. He wanted to start reading the books. I was a bit hesitant thinking he might be too young (he gets scared easily and he is still at the age where he doesn’t know the difference between make believe and reality). I got book one at the library and we started reading it each night. Around this time he started coming into our room in the middle of the night complaining about various things—being unable to sleep because of scary dreams. 

One night after reading the book he wanted to see what the characters looked like so I pulled up the actors pictures. He asked if he could see “the one that must not be named.” I asked him if he was sure because he was pretty creepy looking. He saw a glimpse of him when I pulled him up on my phone and he freaked out and said he didn’t want to see him. He sat for a moment on his bed and looked so confused. He said to me, “I don’t understand what I’m feeling right now? I want to look at it and then I don’t.” I was able to explain to him that part of him was curious and the other part of him knew it would scare him if he looked at it. I told him to CTR and listen to the voice that spoke truth to his heart. He paused for a moment to think about it and he said “I don’t think I should look at it Mom.” 

The next morning I had such an incredible teaching experience with him. I told him I felt we shouldn’t read Harry Potter anymore because I felt it was causing him nightmares. He got upset about it. I then told him about my own experience as a kid, watching shows that were too scary and how they affected me still to this day. I also explained that these books were written for older kids, and that maybe when he was older he could revisit them. He was still struggling to understand. I explained to him that there were hundreds of interesting books that were suitable for his age and how he’d miss out on all of those books if he jumped ahead and read the ones that will be appropriate when he is older. He started to get it but asked “why didn’t they make the books for my age?” I told him it was the same as toys—different toys are made to enjoy at different ages. 

I then told him that I believed he would make the right decision and to think about what he wanted to do—to mull it over today and we’d talk about it later tonight. He said “I don’t know what to do!!!” I then told him that he could pray to God about it and that he’d speak to him and tell him what to do. I reminded him that God knew him better than I did. “No he doesn’t,” he said, you’re my mom, you know me best! “Why yes he does,” I replied. “You lived with him thousands of years before you lived with me. Plus he sees everything. He not only sees what you do all day everyday, while I can’t, but he can see the future. He can see what would happen if you read the book now verses if you waited.” I also reminded him that he was perfect and that he had all of the answers. I reminded him of how imperfect I was—how when he made mistakes I some times got upset or yelled at him because I couldn’t see the situation perfectly. “God would never do that, he loves you perfectly. He is your Father. He wants to help you and he knows all of the right answers.” “Maybe this book is okay for you to read now; maybe it won’t affect you negatively,” I said, “I don’t know that, but God will know.” I then encouraged him to find a quiet moment today to go pray to God and ask him and then to take a moment to listen to His answer. 

I said goodbye and I started loading the car to leave for boxing. 7 min later he came running outside with a huge grin on his face and tears in his eyes. He said “Mom! I went in the office and I prayed to God. I asked him Mom and he answered me!!!!” I asked him what God told him; he replied, “I know I shouldn’t read the book Mom, He told me!” Tears welled up as he hugged me tight. 

I realized in that moment that we truly are their teacher in this life; they need so much guidance at this age. However, our greatest job is to point them to the PERFECT teacher—one who knows them and loves them more than anyone: God. 

How grateful I was for God speaking through me to his son. It is my nature, especially when I am in a rush to get somewhere, to take control; to tell my kids how it’s going to go down, but God used me as his mouthpiece to remind his child to turn to Him for anything. I hope that I can continue to do this throughout both their lives. They gain so much confidence and trust in themselves—that they can make the right decisions—their testimonies grow and their relationship to God, although they can’t physically see it, becomes REAL. 

You. Are. Enough.

Some times life gets so busy and we get caught up in the rush of getting as many things done as possible...and we forget moments like these: As a child I used to relish in getting lost in nature, wandering off on my own, taking in the smells that carried through the orchards behind my house, taking in Gods final masterpiece of the day, admiring the grandeur and glory of billions of billions of twinkling lights dancing across the night sky, noticing the shapes and the movements of the clouds, all the while taking a moment to contemplate life, commune with my Creator, wrestle through heartaches, or work through things that were saying me down, dreaming up dreams, giving those dreams to the universe. As I'm sitting here looking over this lake at the last rays of sunlight, I realize that for the past 10 years of my life I've been so caught up with the hustle and bustle of making it, living it, doing it, surviving it, that I forgot to take moments like these to really feed myself...to remind myself that all of the things that lay deep inside are what make me enough—my story, my life, my successes, my failures. I. AM. ENOUGH. Society deems being enough as constantly going, doing, hustling, striving, perfecting oneself—changing as a chameleon would, in other words, to fit in with what our environment says is acceptable. No matter how many promotions we get, no matter how many pounds we lose, how good of a mom people say we are, how many cars, boats, the size of house we have, will never feel enough. We will never feel a true sense of belonging to things outside of us. Belonging comes from accepting, loving, and sharing with the world the authentic person that within us at this very moment and self-loving that person as we would love our companion, our child, our neighbor, our friend, our Creator. 

An Abundant Mind Set

"Thanks for having such a positive attitude lately.  You've been killing it and it's inspiring.  Thanks for being such a great example to me.  You're a power player and I'm grateful and lucky to have such a wonderful woman by my side."

I share this sweet, from my Love, with you, to remind us all of two things:

1) these are the kind of things that make a marriage work, AND 2) these are the ways we nourish and feed an abundant mind set. 

It's easy to take a person you see day in and day out, a person who sees more sides of you than anyone else, for granted. If we want to prosper in our lives we need to help grow and prosper the person that is (hopefully) standing beside us for the rest of our lives. 

Love, support, confidence, gratitude, words of praise...these are the things that grow a person, change a person, ignite the spark to one another's dreams....

The most incredible thing about this truth is this two-fold benefit: if you want to be great, inspire someone else to be great. 

An abundant mind set is believing that you can have it all, that your potential is limitless. I'm starting to learn in life that we short change our potential by either getting stuck in our own heads or by surrounding ourselves with negative, toxic people that try and hold us back by keeping us in the muck they're in. When you surround yourself with people who believe in you, uplift you, empower you, and parallel your own positive energy something beautiful happens: you ignite a flame, they ignite a flame, and pretty soon the world is on fire....guess what happens then?? EVERYONE lives ABUNDANTLY. 

 #givelove #receivelove #livetoinspire #supportthosearoundyou #gratitudebreedssuccess 

Ramblings

I'm sending this FREEBIE tip out to all you hubby's that find yourself siding (yes even after 6, 10, 12 years of marriage) with the Biebs....do you know how long it takes a woman to groom herself from her eyebrows alllll the wayyyy downnnn to her hairy big toe? The short answer is: a REALLY long and tiresome amount of time (hence the reason MOMS view shaving as a LAST priority...let's face it, if I'm gonna schedule in a shave I am going to schedule in a nap). 

Anywho (only moms say anywho), THE TIP: if your wife slides into bed next to you AND your hand just so happens to cross that invisible "haven't I given you enough after 6 years" line, AND (dun dun dunnnn) you feel something exceptionally soft and smooth, just know you can put the Biebs song to bed for the night because "what do you mean" has JUST been answered with a clear and definite sign. Oh and just in case I need to make it a little more clear and definite: you better be putting the moves on your hot wife because she's not shavin those stems and pits to appease her own selfish vanity (that comes by way of clothes and shoes). 

Let's get real, if we were living in my Utopia, Animal Rights Activists would be out of a job due to "a woman's right to bare fur" (yes, especially in public AND at the beach). So the next time you start humming the catchy and ever so cleaver phrase "what do you mean," run your hand up your wife's thigh 😉👊🏻👏🏼👏🏼. 

Thank you, and your welcome

I love how music immediately transports you to a time and place you either long to re-live or long to forget... 

This one popped up on my Indie Pop station this morning and I immediately remembered one of the best times in my life, one of the best decisions I ever made: dating this fantastic guy. 

Memories resurfaced of rolling all over my Springville apartment— laughing till our bellies hurt, making silly, funny videos, hanging out at coffee shops, rolling down the window and singing/screaming "champagne supernova" to all the passerbys, all the late night ramblings and phone conversations, waking up one morning to find my favorite perfume on my doorstep, finding love letters in my mail box, getting a knock on my door in the wee hours of the morning because he couldn't wait to show me my wedding ring, making the poorest decision to hit up Del Taco at 2am and getting sick afterwards...

One song can resurface so many memories...love it. Thanks for making our first beginnings some of the best memories in my life! 😘😘 mike moncur

The Epiphanies of Motherhood

The Epiphanies of Motherhood (yes they come once in a blue moon) 

An epiphany I had yesterday as I'm getting frustrated doing Beckahms hair before school for the umpteenth time, and as I'm trying to put Amari—who's endlessly fidgeting—down for a nap: our eyes are our little ones window to the world. It's through our eyes they learn what love is, tolerance, compassion, self-esteem, light-heartedness, kindness, respect, confidence....

As they grow and venture into this great big world I pray that they will choose to associate with good friends who make good choices,and not mimic the behavior(s) of those making poor choices. Yet, what kind of behavior are the mimicking from me—the person they are around nearly 24 hours a day for the first 4 years of their life? 

Parenting is the hardest job I've ever added to my resume simply because it causes me to take a step back and self-reflect—on a daily basis— how my habits, my example, my attitude, my behavior, affects my children—whether positively or negatively. 

Parenthood is also one of the greatest jobs I've ever added to my resume because it's the job that pushes me to change, to grow, at such an accelerated rate—sometimes from 0-60 in a matter of minutes (literally).

When my child looks into my eyes do they see the world as an annoying, frustrating, sad, anger-ridden, unfulfilling, busy and stressful place? Or do they learn that the world is kind, patient, tolerant of their mistakes, humorous, forgiving, and full of unconditional love? 

Sometimes (okay let's be real, most the time), it's hard to remember that the saying "treat someone the way you would like to be treated" applies to children just as well as adults. Would I then want someone rushing me around all of the time? Would I want someone so busy and stressed to get from one place to the next that there's no time or place to experience the "in betweens?" Would I want someone always taking away my freedom, and not allowing me to make mistakes so I can learn the power of choice and consequence? Would I want someone being so guarded and fearful of allowing me to venture out and explore this world by myself, on my own time, at my own beat? Would I want someone that makes me feel like I'm an annoyance? Like my voice doesn't matter? Like there are bigger, more important things to be doing in this great big world than being "stuck" with being in the presence of me? Would I want someone to tell me (reassure me rather) that my fears, my frustrations do not matter? 

As Amaris wiggles started to dissipate and as he calmly, quietly searched my eyes before drifting to sleep, I knew this epiphany was teaching me that sometimes the disconnects between us and our children happen (much like us with our Father in Heaven when we forget to get on our knees) because the window is foggy—we've forgotten to clear away the smudges and the smears, to take moments like these to be present with our children, to connect with them, to let them know we believe in them, we love them, that no matter how small they are that they DO matter. Sometimes we need to pause to make the window a little more clear, more visible: to be the correct reflection of the world we want our children to see, to BELIEVE, to KNOW.

Late Night Epiphanies

Why my late night epiphanies/confessionals always seem to come at the most inopportune time—when my "little angels" are in a "perfected state" (aka asleep), and my drool has a date with my pillow (aka exhaustion)—is a question that will haunt me till the day I retire from mothering (aka NEVER).

Okay enough with the "aka's". The epiphany I had as I lay in this pitch black room next to my comatose husband (who is richly blessed to give in to slumber) is:

Look for the opportunities each day presents to either ignore, tear down, OR build up the character of your children.

In my often failed attempt to do better at this thing called parenting, I realize just how furtive these moments are—how numerous, yet how quickly they come and go (from an accidental spill, to a quarrel with a sibling).

It is time to revamp the new year resolutions, and make it my mid-new year goal to take a moment—before the moment ignites a reaction— and process the situation, to ask "as their mother—the person who wants them to succeed most in their life, the person that wants to help them grow into GREAT men (cause God knows we need GREAT men in this world)—is my reaction conducive to lifting them up? Is it helping define their character? To build trust, love, and respect?"

I know it's a goal I will most likely fail at miserably at least another 100 times before 8am tomorrow morning, but the epiphany has at least sparked an interest, a resolution, to proactively do better at loving these little men God so kindly entrusted to my care.

—Sleepless in Alabama signing off

#theepiphaniesofmotherhood