I can't tell you just how happy it makes me to see all of my prayers (4 years worth) coming to fruition. Beckahm and Amari's relationship has blossomed into something I have yearned so deeply for. Sure they argue and fight and annoy each other on a daily basis, but the love, the tenderness, they care they have for each other runs so deep now.
Just to see Beckahm, after his soccer game when he could have ran back on the field to kick the ball with this teammates, run over and say "I just want to see Amari" (and that is just ONE of the many examples), just shows me how much they care for one another.
A few things that have improved greatly that I love seeing—it truly warms my heart:
- They have loved sleeping in the same room together
- They play now together multiple times a day. I love seeing and hearing their imaginations at work.
- They miss each other when the other is away
- When they have playdates with other kids they still include one another and love being around one another.
- When one is hurt or sad the other (usually Amari) will go and check on them and shows concern
- They encourage and support each other in their interests (Amari will clap for Beckahm at his soccer practices, and Becks will encourage Amari when he is trying to learn to ride his bike)
It moves me to tears to know that I WAS INSPIRED to keep Beckahm at home this year. It has been such a difficult decision because I never want to hold him back, but I can see answers to why it was necessary. I feel like Beckahm is acting more his age—his curiosity about age appropriate things are coming out; he is so much kinder and inclusive of his brother (when he was going to K he came across like he was better than Amari in a lot of ways; he was just simply maturing too fast). I am so proud of Beckahm for helping me out, for loving his brother and for being such a great leader in our home. I feel like Amari is getting better with his speech and that he growing up more and more as Beckahm is more attentive to him and makes him feel like he is valuable and important. I hope this brotherhood and this love that they share continues as they grow up.
We did have a pretty scary moment. This park is HUGE and towards the end of the day I lost Amari. Becks and I went looking for him for 20 minutes and couldn't find him. Becks started to cry, scared something happened to his brother, and I was panicking. I told Beckahm we needed to say a prayer as it was getting dark soon. We went over to another area and a long ways a way Becks spotted him. He had seem some young boys running for track and he decided to up and follow them. They were, THANKFULLY, trying to help him find his mom. I am grateful I had that experience, despite it terrifying me. Beckahm was able to learn, once again, of the power of prayer. And it made him realize just how much he loved his brother.
They are officially sharing a room; Amari has slept so much better being comforted knowing his brother is right there beside him :)
These are the moments that remind me what my role and duty is as a Mom. Ever since we got back from Universal Studios Becks has been obsessed with Harry Potter. He wanted to start reading the books. I was a bit hesitant thinking he might be too young (he gets scared easily and he is still at the age where he doesn’t know the difference between make believe and reality). I got book one at the library and we started reading it each night. Around this time he started coming into our room in the middle of the night complaining about various things—being unable to sleep because of scary dreams.
One night after reading the book he wanted to see what the characters looked like so I pulled up the actors pictures. He asked if he could see “the one that must not be named.” I asked him if he was sure because he was pretty creepy looking. He saw a glimpse of him when I pulled him up on my phone and he freaked out and said he didn’t want to see him. He sat for a moment on his bed and looked so confused. He said to me, “I don’t understand what I’m feeling right now? I want to look at it and then I don’t.” I was able to explain to him that part of him was curious and the other part of him knew it would scare him if he looked at it. I told him to CTR and listen to the voice that spoke truth to his heart. He paused for a moment to think about it and he said “I don’t think I should look at it Mom.”
The next morning I had such an incredible teaching experience with him. I told him I felt we shouldn’t read Harry Potter anymore because I felt it was causing him nightmares. He got upset about it. I then told him about my own experience as a kid, watching shows that were too scary and how they affected me still to this day. I also explained that these books were written for older kids, and that maybe when he was older he could revisit them. He was still struggling to understand. I explained to him that there were hundreds of interesting books that were suitable for his age and how he’d miss out on all of those books if he jumped ahead and read the ones that will be appropriate when he is older. He started to get it but asked “why didn’t they make the books for my age?” I told him it was the same as toys—different toys are made to enjoy at different ages.
I then told him that I believed he would make the right decision and to think about what he wanted to do—to mull it over today and we’d talk about it later tonight. He said “I don’t know what to do!!!” I then told him that he could pray to God about it and that he’d speak to him and tell him what to do. I reminded him that God knew him better than I did. “No he doesn’t,” he said, you’re my mom, you know me best! “Why yes he does,” I replied. “You lived with him thousands of years before you lived with me. Plus he sees everything. He not only sees what you do all day everyday, while I can’t, but he can see the future. He can see what would happen if you read the book now verses if you waited.” I also reminded him that he was perfect and that he had all of the answers. I reminded him of how imperfect I was—how when he made mistakes I some times got upset or yelled at him because I couldn’t see the situation perfectly. “God would never do that, he loves you perfectly. He is your Father. He wants to help you and he knows all of the right answers.” “Maybe this book is okay for you to read now; maybe it won’t affect you negatively,” I said, “I don’t know that, but God will know.” I then encouraged him to find a quiet moment today to go pray to God and ask him and then to take a moment to listen to His answer.
I said goodbye and I started loading the car to leave for boxing. 7 min later he came running outside with a huge grin on his face and tears in his eyes. He said “Mom! I went in the office and I prayed to God. I asked him Mom and he answered me!!!!” I asked him what God told him; he replied, “I know I shouldn’t read the book Mom, He told me!” Tears welled up as he hugged me tight.
I realized in that moment that we truly are their teacher in this life; they need so much guidance at this age. However, our greatest job is to point them to the PERFECT teacher—one who knows them and loves them more than anyone: God.
How grateful I was for God speaking through me to his son. It is my nature, especially when I am in a rush to get somewhere, to take control; to tell my kids how it’s going to go down, but God used me as his mouthpiece to remind his child to turn to Him for anything. I hope that I can continue to do this throughout both their lives. They gain so much confidence and trust in themselves—that they can make the right decisions—their testimonies grow and their relationship to God, although they can’t physically see it, becomes REAL.
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