The Epiphanies of Motherhood

The Epiphanies of Motherhood (yes they come once in a blue moon) 

An epiphany I had yesterday as I'm getting frustrated doing Beckahms hair before school for the umpteenth time, and as I'm trying to put Amari—who's endlessly fidgeting—down for a nap: our eyes are our little ones window to the world. It's through our eyes they learn what love is, tolerance, compassion, self-esteem, light-heartedness, kindness, respect, confidence....

As they grow and venture into this great big world I pray that they will choose to associate with good friends who make good choices,and not mimic the behavior(s) of those making poor choices. Yet, what kind of behavior are the mimicking from me—the person they are around nearly 24 hours a day for the first 4 years of their life? 

Parenting is the hardest job I've ever added to my resume simply because it causes me to take a step back and self-reflect—on a daily basis— how my habits, my example, my attitude, my behavior, affects my children—whether positively or negatively. 

Parenthood is also one of the greatest jobs I've ever added to my resume because it's the job that pushes me to change, to grow, at such an accelerated rate—sometimes from 0-60 in a matter of minutes (literally).

When my child looks into my eyes do they see the world as an annoying, frustrating, sad, anger-ridden, unfulfilling, busy and stressful place? Or do they learn that the world is kind, patient, tolerant of their mistakes, humorous, forgiving, and full of unconditional love? 

Sometimes (okay let's be real, most the time), it's hard to remember that the saying "treat someone the way you would like to be treated" applies to children just as well as adults. Would I then want someone rushing me around all of the time? Would I want someone so busy and stressed to get from one place to the next that there's no time or place to experience the "in betweens?" Would I want someone always taking away my freedom, and not allowing me to make mistakes so I can learn the power of choice and consequence? Would I want someone being so guarded and fearful of allowing me to venture out and explore this world by myself, on my own time, at my own beat? Would I want someone that makes me feel like I'm an annoyance? Like my voice doesn't matter? Like there are bigger, more important things to be doing in this great big world than being "stuck" with being in the presence of me? Would I want someone to tell me (reassure me rather) that my fears, my frustrations do not matter? 

As Amaris wiggles started to dissipate and as he calmly, quietly searched my eyes before drifting to sleep, I knew this epiphany was teaching me that sometimes the disconnects between us and our children happen (much like us with our Father in Heaven when we forget to get on our knees) because the window is foggy—we've forgotten to clear away the smudges and the smears, to take moments like these to be present with our children, to connect with them, to let them know we believe in them, we love them, that no matter how small they are that they DO matter. Sometimes we need to pause to make the window a little more clear, more visible: to be the correct reflection of the world we want our children to see, to BELIEVE, to KNOW.

Family Motto

The motto I want in our home!

Cedella

 I just have to say how much I love, look up to, and admire this rad, beautiful, artistic, hard working, full of life chick. Getting to know Cedella has changed my life. This 19 year old girl has been through more s*#% (that's the only way to say it if we are being real) than anyone I know. Her story would leave most defeated, but she's risen above every obstacle--being taken by CPS for a year when she was a child, working at McDonalds to support her entire family since she was 16 (paying all the bills, providing her 16 year old sister with lunch money so she can eat), putting herself through art school, being a mother to her two year old Niece after her older sister sold her for drugs, and the most deafening obstacle: losing her mother to cancer last year....her optimism, kindness with my two boys, huge, open heart, and motivation to make a better life for herself BLOWS MY MIND! She is one of the Giants among us. There are so many stories like this—living in our own backyard—appreciate what you have and then reach out to help those who have it a lot worse. Today she said to me,"you know I've never been on a picnic. I've always just seen it in the movies...I'd like to do that one day." I'll be damned sure she gets the picnic of her dreams ‪#‎admire‬ ‪#‎respect‬ ‪#‎love‬ ‪#‎inspiration‬ ‪#‎motivation‬ ‪#‎begrateful‬‪#‎giveback‬ ‪#‎universalstory‬ ‪#‎cedella‬

Beckahm's First Talk in Church

Beckahm was assigned to give his first talk in primary and it was only his second week since advancing to Sunbeams.  The theme was "Jesus is the Son of God." The week prior I had printed pictures and came up with a simple talk he could give about Jesus.  I was so proud of him when I told him we were going to practice every day.  Literally after the first time I ran through the talk with him he had it memorized—such a smart kid.  We encouraged him and got him excited about it all week long; he knew it by heart and was so excited for the big day.  Beckahm does so much better in life situations when you explain things in advance so we got to church a bit early on Sunday and he practiced standing at the podium, in the primary room and he did his talk so well.  When it came time for primary Mike and I stood in the back of the room and watched while they did opening exercises....it was so precious to watch how quiet, reverent and obedient he was.  As it was nearing time for him to give his talk he would turn around and look at us, giving us a HUGE grin, and a thumbs up—so adorable.  I helped him up on the stand and the minute he got up there he became a bit scared and he asked me to help him. He would whisper the talk in my ear and then I would say it into the microphone.  I was seriously so proud of him; he was so brave and did such an amazing job!

As Mike and I were walking around the building getting some church stuff done I had three different people come up to me and tell me things about Beckahm that they thought were amazing and loved.  The husband of his Sunbeam teacher approached me and said "I just have to tell you what a stud Beckahm is; I had to go into Sunbeams last week to help my wife because two of the girls were misbehaving and Beckahm was being so good; he was acting to reverent and listening and being such a good example and leader. He is seriously such a cool kid!"

Then the lady that plays the piano came out of the primary room and said "that Beckahm is amazing! He is on a roll in there! They keep asking questions and he just raises his hand and says 'I can do that' to everything they ask! What a confident little boy he is!" One of the teachers came out and patted Mike and I on the back and said "whatever you are doing with that child is truly spectacular; that Beckahm is just so confident and believes he can do anything, which is something you don't see a lot in children today.  We asked who in the room could build a house, climb a tree. . . and every question he said "I can do that!" As she told me this tear filled my eyes and I felt such pride swell inside my heart.  I told her how much this meant to hear because this was one of the hardest struggles for Beckahm since he was little, little: he would always say "I can't do it!" And he would give up on whatever he felt he couldn't do: going down the stairs, riding a bike, getting dressed, etc." And now look, here is is today, after we coached him time and again, pushed him, and told him "I can't do it" is not something we say in our home," standing confident in Primary giving a talk, reciting his Articles of Faith, and telling the class that he can do things! I can't explain how proud I am of this little boy.  There is truly nothing that brings me greater joy than seeing your children succeed in life!