Utah Journal Post

My mind is kind of everywhere because there has been so much going on the past few weeks and I want to write this down as clear as I can.

I had to make a trip to Utah with the boys a few weeks ago for a week because I had contacted Ashley my cousin who works with Jared. She works with kids who have developmental delays at what is called “a brain gym”. This is something they have out in Atlanta and we considered going there but I’d have to drive 3 hours each way or move there alone with the kids and have mike come visit off and on. It also cost $6,000 plus.

The neurofeedback treatments we’ve been getting the past 6 months helped increase his frontal lobe by 33% but it was never something we felt was doing a lot of good, nor did we like the center we were at (they weren’t helpful, they didn’t explain things thoroughly, they didn’t seem to care or be really hands on) and it cost $1000 for 10 treatments.

After talking with Jared he said coming out would be the best option: treatments would be free, and Ashley could give me work I could do at home and FaceTime her for progress reports.

So despite the fact that I didn’t want to go back to Utah (I have been struggling with family issues, I always get anxiety when I go back to that state from all of the past memories, and going would interrupt my progression towards my first fight) I packed our bags and went. I listened to a lot of self-empowering audible books prior to going, just to give you an idea of where my negative mindset was (there is always drama in my family and I didn’t want to be apart of it. My sister has been frustrated that I decided not to attend our reunion the end of July for reasons I just listed—drama plus not wanting to spend all that money to get out there on a trip that might be full of drama).

Arriving in Utah was a tad interesting—my sister couldn’t be there to pick us up so I had to get all our bags and the kids had to help me take them out to the bus (we got on the wrong bus and had to get on another bus). We had to pick up Michele’s car in long term parking and drive to park city for Amaris 1st appt. we were running late, we had to fill up my sisters car that was on empty...it was a tad crazy. We also had a 3 hr layover in Dallas so the kids had been traveling for 13hrs straight. Thankfully they were amazing! They are seriously the best travelers!

It was good to see Jared and have him give the kids a checkup (physical and emotional throughout the week). Just to pause here: Becks was holding onto my emotions of perfectionism and his dads inability to feel safe talking about things. He was also holding onto this feeling of needing to be the spiritual leader in the House because his dad wasnt filling that role. (I know there are so many gaps here—haven’t really explained these issues that have been going on in our family and marriage, but it’s truly been so hard writing everything down with all of the jobs I have as a mother and wife). Amari was also able to work through my issues he was holding onto of not being accepted for who he is—something Jared taught me was that kids are so innocent, they don’t have the life experiences we have so their mindset is different. He doesn’t care that he can’t speak as well as kids his age—to him he can get what he needs—he doesn’t care that he can’t do the same things developmentally that his peers can. All of those fears are coming from me and being projected onto him.

I’m just so extremely grateful that the boys have Jared in their life to help them emotionally—how much further they will be in the future with his help.

Moving on to the rest of the trip. Things started turning around as I was able to spend time with Maile and Jaxen and MICHELLE. We had some great talks (I feel like I was seen for all of my personal growth and I was able to share all the ways I had grown with Michelle who truly needed it as she’s been dealing with a lot of personal struggles and struggles raising Jaxen. I’m grateful I could pass on helpful information to her that I know can change her life. I’m also so grateful for the experiences I was able to be apart of and Becks was able to witness (Jaxen going from not wanting anything to do with religion to coming back from EFY a few days after we arrived, to being totally transformed. It was incredible to hear his testimony and have him share his spiritual experiences with us. Becks looks up to Jaxen so so much! It was priceless to watch him interact with Jaxen, create memories and connections with him and learn by his example. One great lesson I learned being there that I need to remember in my future parenting is to let my kids make choices, to realize the beauty in parenting them the way Godparents is—to let us choose, to let go of control and have trust that our children will run into that “anointing” one day. To remember all I’m required to do as their mom is to love them and to give them life changing opportunities. The reality is that they will be more affected by the outside influences than by their parents. So I need to continually put them in places and give them experiences where they can gain their own testimonies and find their own truth (send them to EFY, send them on humanitarian missions, put them in scouts, etc).

I was so impressed with my own self to see just how strong my mindset was being there. It’s like this was the testing ground after all the growth And change I’ve experienced this past year. And I passed the test! I feel so blessed for all of these experiences gods given me and put me in to answer years of prayers to help me gain more self confidence, to be in control of my negative thoughts, to be positive, to own my no, to not care what others think, to step outside my comfort zone....all of these things were tested and I passed them all. I can’t express how peaceful I felt inside, how proud, how grateful to God! These changes are worth more than all the riches in the world!

Moving onto Amari and his treatments:

So Ashley did a comprehensive test and discovered that his brain stem is not fully developed. This affects everything: his sensitivity to sound, his reflexes, his balance, his coordination, his motor skills, his speech.

Basically she explained it to me like this: (through genetics or whatever it was, we don’t know), his brain stem which develops first as a baby, wasnt developed fully and as he grows into an infant his frontal lobe and the other parts of his brain starts to develop. Well no matter if you fire up that frontal lobe, because his brain stem isnt developed he will revert back to baby tendencies (like plugging his ears when he hears a loud noise—fight or flight syndrome, or holding a pencil in a Palmer grip...). So no matter the neurofeedbacking treatments we were getting to fix the frontal lobe we need to fix the brain stem first.

She told me as of now his right brain and left brain were not communicating which affects everything. She also tested him using a metronome unit and he tested 4 seconds after the beat. She told me how this translates into daily interactions: I ask him to put his shoes on, it takes him 4 extra seconds to hear the request, 4 extra seconds process what I said, and 4 extra seconds to do what I ask. Makes me feel bad that I haven’t been so patient with him in the past.

The good news is that these delays are completely reversible. Once that part of his brain is stimulated and fired up they will be fired up for life and he will be where his other peers are his age. This was such a huge relief for me to hear. And I know even though he doesn’t fully understand it now but something he will be so grateful for. 👏🏻👏🏻


So over the course of the week I was there she showed me all the work that she does with kids that experience developmental delays. She’s had countless testimonials of the kids she’s helped. Some it’s taken 3 months, others a year, it just all depends.

Basically she starts by stimulating all of his senses: peppermint for his smell, a metronome or Mozart music for his auditory, blue glasses for his sight, a vibrator on his arm for his touch.

Then she does exercises that help his eye movement (he can’t view objects without moving his head which affects his peripheral vision). So she will have him try to follow an object with just his eyes.

Then she does these exercises with him that coordinate with different aspects of the brain. Just seeing her do the exercises and explain how that particular exercise heals that part of the brain made so much sense to me. I took videos of what she did and put them on my HD so you can refer to those for more detail.

He walks on a balance beam different ways, he works on her computer listening to words in each year and eventually he should be able to repeat both words he hears. He works on her metronome unit and he practices tracing shapes to help him learn to hold a pencil and he does work on his fine motor skills.

I was mind blown, and moved to tears, to say the very least to see, just after 2 days, to see him have a fascination with throwing a ball. He’s never been interested throwing a ball and he wanted to play catch with me for the longest time, telling me “move back mommy, I can throw farther!”

Jared told me how amazing this was for his brain.

It was incredible to see him pick up a pencil the right way and trace shapes. She had to remind him a few times when he wanted to go back to the Palmer grasp but he did it!!! I nearly cried when she told him he was done tracing and he could put the pencil down and he didn’t want to! He just kept drawing. He’s always felt inferior with drawing and to see him want to keep doing it on his own was so beautiful!


Then one day I went in and he said to me “Mommy, look (pointing at his tracing board) it’s a square, it’s a circle! Then we went to get gas and he rolled down the window and looked at the gas tank and said “mommy, it’s a rectangle! You’re cars gas is a rectangle too!” Then he looked at the pump and asked “what shape is that?” Just seeing him thirst for knowledge was so beautiful. It’s like a light bulb went off and he was all of a sudden discovering a new world.


I can’t tell you how amazing it was being there and getting so much help and support from family. It was so nice being able to work through all my fears and issues with Jared. We talked through my fears and overwhelming feelings going back to AL and having to do all of this work with Amari and having to deal with people from school or the community who labels him, isn’t patient with him, treat him differently, etc. I was so grateful that Jared said “you simply tell people he has a developmental delay. He doesn’t have ADHD, asbergers, or autism.” He told me how much growth he’s seen just in the two years since he’s seen him. “He comes and greets me after work, he runs up and hugs everyone he sees, he makes eye contact, he’s present, he can communicate what he needs, etc.”

I was so grateful that others saw what I saw because I feel like the past year Mike and I have been advocating for who Amari is alone. Others see it too—-he has such a support system.

Fast forward (skipping over conversations, memories made, etc—you can view the blog or HD to see all the pics and videos) to Sunday (two days before I was to leave to AL). Remember that my heart was so hard coming to Utah—I wanted to get in and get out (you can see how the Lord waited to give me this thought until I had been there nearly a week and had seen all of these things and had these good experiences). I woke up to get ready to go to church and the thought came into my head “maybe I should move back to UT so Amari can progress in the ways he needs to”.

I sat with this thought all Sunday. I weighed everything out in my mind. I could go home and do these exercises with him but Ashley is going to scale it way back so it’s a manageable plan for me and Amari. She will FaceTime once a month and add new things as he progresses. She told me I have to be consistent with the work and his diet (no gluten, dairy and no artificial flavors and minimal sugars) for one solid year. Me doing it on my own will make the process a lot longer. Plus being realistic I know there will be days I don’t get it done because I’m stressed out or tired, this will lead to me feeling guilty and feeling so much pressure that if Amari doesn’t succeed it’s my fault.

I started feeling so much weight and stress. I knew I had to consider this idea. It’s crazy because this time I really sat with the idea and started mapping out what this option would look like. I discussed it with Michelle after church and she agreed that this would be the best option for Amari. She made such a good point “you put a child in school because teachers went to school to get a teaching degree; you put a child with a speech therapy because you aren’t trained to be a speech therapist. Although you could do some of the exercises with Amari you aren’t Ashley. She’s been doing this for years and she’s used to dealing with all sorts of kids that have similar delays like Amari.” I realized at that moment it wasn’t because I didn’t think I couldn’t do it, it’s because I know in my heart that there is someone more educated and suitable to help him. I want to be Amaris mother, and love him unconditionally. I don’t want to be his speech therapist or his developmental teacher and run into the possibility of feeling guilty or, getting frustrated.

Thinking it all through and knowing there was a high possibility that his brain stem could be fully developed after just one year made me feel so happy and peaceful inside.

I was nervous to bring up the suggestion to mike because I knew this decision might entail him having to stay in Bham and I know that’s something he’s never entertained.

I was seriously surprised when he said “I will consider it” after I mentioned it to him.

The last few days in Utah I spent time thinking through the details and discussing everything with Jared. I knew this was a heavy heavy decision and I wanted to make sure I made the right one. Jared helped me mapped out every option even down to the finances and then I asked him his opinion because he’s counseled couples who have marriage issues and he’s also seen kids with developmental delays. Which one out weighs the other? He told me that the divorce rate of marriages with a developmentally delayed child are extremely high. He said the stress alone is hard for couples to stay strong through. I expressed to him how nervous I was to be separated for a year. And how frustrated I was that I wasn’t confident in my marriage—that this decision couldn’t be easy, that I had to debate whether I should chose my child or my husband because I wasn’t confident that mike would do well being away.

It was a hard decision and it took some time to really feel things out but I knew, despite the fact that I didn’t want to move to Utah, that I didn’t want to leave all the training I’d worked so hard for the past year and put my fighting dreams on hold, that I didn’t want to leave my friends, and jeopardize my marriage, etc., that I had to strip all things away and make this decision based off one thing: What’s best for Amari.

It’s only 1 year, we have to do what is best for the health of our son. And I know that this is the best option. I can’t tell you how peaceful I feel about this decision. It’s the same exact feeling I’ve felt so many times in years past moving from one place to another not knowing the reason why but knowing it’s the right decision and feeling so peaceful about it. I have to tell you how incredibly empowering and beautiful it felt to feel those feelings once again—it’s been a very long time and I know I have to listen to my gut and do what I know is right. I know just like in times past that if this is the right decision the will work everything out, he will provide a way.

So fast forward to going home and feeling unsettled being back—it just didn’t feel right. I mapped out a plan and I talked to mike about it—told him how I felt peaceful about it. He surprised me by saying he felt peace about it too and that he knew it was the right decision.

The past two weeks have been a bit of a crazy yet amazingly good whirlwind. Here you will see the miraculous hand of God at work. It truly astounds me and fills me with so much gratitude that the lord is ever aware of our existence. You really can’t explain it any other way than the hand of God.

So we never got an offer on our house (we put it up for sale right before I left for UT—crickets). After I made this decision we got an offer on our house and they needed to be here the exact same date we needed to move out. 2nd miracle: was god softening my heart to even entertain this decision—if he’d given me this thought two days after being in Utah I’d have shut it down. 3rd miracle: apart of this decision included finding the best school in the area for the boys. I talked extensively to Deirdre about the charter school her kids went to and it sounded like the most amazing fit for the kids (self-learning, no homework, flexible hours, they encourage play time, they encourage travel time with your family—totally allows us to travel to Thailand in February for 3 weeks—something we couldn’t have done in AL, plus it’s STEM based so they have this huge center for the kids to engage in their learning– a huge glow fish aquarium, a LEGO center, a climbing center, etc.)—it’s kind of like the Montessori school we wanted to put him in and nearly paid $10,000 for and it’s FREE.

So the 3rd miracle was me applying to the school and hoping the boys could get in and two days later I received notice that they got in!!

Then mike said he was going to try and come live with us and just come out once a month to do blitz week in AL. We were a bit nervous to talk to Adam, the owner of the company and see how he’d react. Finding a place to live and figuring out mikes work were the last two details to figure out. I was a bit anxious thinking how mikes boss was going to react. Then we went to Jakes old house for the 4th to meet up with some of mikes co-workers and Jake was there. He heard the news about us moving back to UT and I was shocked with his reaction, he was pumped! He proceeded to talk to me for 30 min about how this was the best decision mike could make for his career; “he should have made this decision years ago, he could have grown so much faster”. He told us that he could do like he does and work 4 days a week and recruit like crazy and build out a really productive team and then spend 1 week a month doing blitz week. He told him he could have his office at corporate cause he’s never there and that he could help him with recruiting. I told him I was nervous for mike to talk it over with Adam and he said Adam would be cool about it. 

I can’t tell you the level of peace I felt after talking things through with Jske and getting his take on things. I could tell mike felt the same way and a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. It was seriously not a blessing I was anticipating. I was prepared to move no matter mikes job situation and this was just the icing on the cake.

The next day Mike called Adam and he said he was on board with everything. 🙌🏻🙌🏻

Truly it’s all been the hand of god! I think snout the past year and looking at almost 100 homes and only liking two which ended up being sold the same day they went on the market; being so frustrated with the whole process and getting discouraged and upset with it all—even getting so upset with the whole loan process and us not being able to get into a decent house despite the fact that we have incredible income. 🙄🙄 and then to want becks to go to That Montessori school sooo badly and to nearly give them a check for 10,000 and to literally be turn up inside about it for some unexplainable reason and then to pull out the very last second because I just didn’t feel right about it—-complete hand of God. How grateful I am for his ever clear vision! How grateful I am that he kept shifting the puzzle pieces as I was trying to make the pieces fit in the wrong places. He is merciful, he is kind, he is tender. As my mom said when I shared the whole story with her: “it’s truly a testimony that God is so aware of Amari! He knew what would be best for him. He loves him and wants the best for him. ❤️❤️ yes, yes, yes he does! He is one special boy!

So all we have left to do is to find a place to live and go through the insane process of selling the house and moving.

I told Catherine, my girlfriend and she started crying. It will be hard for the boys to leave their friends and for me to leave the friendships I’ve made here.

After finalizing most our plans we surprised the boys with a game of Pictionary. They had to guess the surprise mike was drawing. Becks guesses it: moving to Utah!! He was a bit confused in the beginning but once we talked things through with him and hyped all the good stuff up and told him about his awesome school he was super excited!!

We are looking at this like a year long adventure! Something new, fun and exciting; something to break up the monotony of our life. This will be a year of incredible growth and change for all of us especially Amari. I can’t believe I am saying this but I’m actually really excited!!


It’s so funny how you can feel so peaceful and good about something and how things will come a long to try and derail your peace. There’s been some family issues come up which has made me wonder if I’ll be feeling with drama that made me hesitant about going to Utah in the beginning. And then I have been starting to realize just how real this all is and it makes me a bit fearful that we will like it there and the kids will love their school so much that we won’t come back to AL....that Utah might be home for longer than a year. It terrifies me to be honest. But as mike said I can’t think about the future, I have to take it a year at a time and see what will come of this next year.

Journal Entry: Becks overcomes fears

Another amazing moment as a mother. We were at the YMCA pool where they have water slides and in order to go on them you have to pass a swim test. Kids have to tred water 30 seconds and swim from one end of the pool to the other (25 yards).

Becks wanted to go on the slides so bad but he was afraid to take the test. He’s been wanting to pass the swim test for the past 2 summers.

After swimming for a few hours he found these red and green rubber bracelets you get for something—none of us knew what they meant. He spent the next 30 min crying and complaining that “someone wouldn’t go ask the life guard what they meant”. It took every ounce of patience in me to let him work out this problem as he was terrified to approach her and was shaking in fear.

He kept saying “I’m scared! I’m not brave!! I wish I was brave”. I proceeded to tell him that Brave was something that HE already was! I reminded him of all the things he’s done in his life to prove to himself that he is more brave than he is not. He was listening intently to me like I was telling him something he didn’t know. It truly is amazing how young and innocent they are and how much they needed to be reminded of how special and amazing they are.

“Why am I so scared?” He asked. I told him that this was a normal feeling. “You’ll always feel a little fear in doing something new, something outside of your comfort zone, and the only way you will ever overcome your fear is by facing it.” If you face it you’ll realize that it wasn’t as scary as you thought and you’ll gain confidence in your ability to do hard things.

I reminded him of the power of his mind—that the mind can either make or break him. I told him that he had to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. He asked me to remind him what to tell himself. “That you are brave, that you can do this!” I also reminded him that he couldn’t change his attitude when his countenance was sad, shoulders hunched over, and crying. “Put a smile on your face and see how that changes your attitude. You can’t be sad while you’re smiling.” He asked me, “why can’t you do it for me mom?” Because, I told him, what are you going to do in school when you have to ask your teacher a question? What are you going to do if I’m not around? “This is an important lesson you need to learn—it’s a lesson that will impact you for a lifetime.

He swam around a bit and mulled everything over for a good while, making sure he was ready to face his fear. It took him some time and some more reminders and encouragement and then he said “I’m ready!” He jumped out of the pool and walked up to her and asked “what are these red and green bands for?” 😁😁😁

After she answered his question his demeanor completely changed; he walked with his head held high and his confidence just a little stronger.


He then proceeded to tell me he wanted to go practice for the swim test. His first try he made it nearly to the end, only a 1/4 of the way left. He swam to the side of the pool and started crying. “I can’t do it!! My arms are too tired!!”

I told him to look at what he just did. “Look how far you swam bud!! You nearly made it to the end on your first try! You should be so proud of yourself!!“ I told him it was his choice if he wanted to keep trying. He pulled it together and said “let me just rest for a minute then I’ll do it again.” He practiced treding water for 30seconds; he did it after 2 times.

Before attempting the swim test again I reminded him of a couple things he could do to go faster—use both his arms, take deep breaths....and then I reminded him “you’re mind controls your arms. If you get tired tell your arms to keep going, to not give up! Tell yourself you can do this!”

Off he went and as he approached the place he stopped before (I could tell he was struggling and wanted to pull off to the side), I yelled “tell your arms your mind is in control, keep going, you’re not tired, you’ve got this!”

I could tell he was talking to himself and pushing through his fatigue and his negativity. I can’t tell you how proud I was to see him touch the end of the pool. And how thankful I was that the lifeguard came over and said “I was watching and if you want that to count as his swim test you can!” He was beaming from his right ear to his left!

The most incredible thing was seeing him jump out of the water put his swim test band on (get a fist pump from his brother) put his shoulders back and strut his little self around that pool like he owned it 😂😂. He went down the slide 10x like it was nothing. “That was easy,” he said. Bahaha. His countenance completely changed.

I sat at the edge of the pool and asked him “what do you learn today from those two lessons?” His reply was one of the best most rewarding gifts I’ve received as a mother: “to never give up. To remember that my mind is powerful and my mind controls my body. And I realize that if I never would have asked the lifeguard about those bracelets I never would have decided to take the swim test and then I never would have been able to go down the slides.” Amazing! Truly amazing that he made those connections on his own.

I am so extremely grateful I get to stay home with the boys and have these extremely important life lessons with them. I’m grateful for god and his tender mercies, inspiring me to be a little hard, to let go of control, to be a little extra patient so these boys can learn these incredible life lessons. I am beyond grateful for these boys and the things they teach me every single day!

Journal Entry

We finished up the 7 habits and we have been doing this big life journal I found online. Each week is a different theme and there is an activity to complete each day. This past week we talked about self love. Becks has to write down things he loved about himself, things he was proud of. He also had to write down 3 affirmations to say to himself and 1 to say to his brother. I can’t tell you how sweet it was to hear him tell Amari that he was loved during the day. This is something mike and I make a point of doing every day—filling their minds with as much positive statements so they will grow up loving themselves 10x more than we ever did and grow up believing in who they are.

There are glimpses when I get to see the fruits of these efforts. Today for example Beckahm told me he got up and sang the “Moses was a prophet” part all by himself in front of the primary. I told him I was so proud of him. “Why?” He shrugged? “Because most kids your age would be terrified of doing that. If you can master that life skill at your age you’ll be so far ahead of the game when your older” I told him. He beamed with confidence. “I also got up and said a prayer all by myself on the microphone and I said “please bless all of the wonderful mothers in the world” 😍😍.

The thing I love most about mother hood is the teaching moments I get to have with my children–when “whys are asked, or things come up in conversations—giving me the opportunity to teach them a far greater principle. On the way home from church Becks pointed out that there is a kid in his class that never talks, “I don’t even think he talks at home,” he said. Instead of saying “well that’s strange”, I had the opportunity to teach him that everyone is different and that’s what makes the world a beautiful place. I told him that maybe he was a thinker, maybe he was an exceptional listener. He thought it was kind of cool to see it from that perspective.

Speaking of perspective, it’s do interesting to see yourself in someone else’s eyes. This girl at church said to me how amazed she was with the life I love—how she’s always wondering how I do this or that all of the time. “How do you have so much energy and are always going on these adventures? How did you throw your son that incredible birthday?” She told me she’s always writing down the things I do for becks school, because she’s so impressed with what he’s learning.”

I just laughed because inside I know I’m a crazy person 😁😁.

There is the sweetest older lady—Miss Shelly— at the gym who just loves the boys so incredibly much. She always comments on my Facebook posts, and she always tells me whenever I drop the boys off how impressed she is with how I’m raising my family. “I am in awe of you Amanda. All you are teaching these boys is just incredible! You need to write a book on how to be a mother—more mother’s need to learn from you. Your boys are just the sweetest, kindest boys, and they are so smart. I am amazed at all of the service you are doing with them, all you are teaching them, it is so inspiring.” She literally tells me this every day. I just love her!


Amari is getting so good at learning more and more concepts and at building higher sentences, it’s do fun to listen to him talk. He is obsessed with his new bike. All he wants to do is go on bike rides all day. It’s funny because he hated riding his old bike and refused to ride anything but a scooter but now he’s loving his bike.

Speech therapy has been going good. Only one more class and then it’s summer break. We officially enrolled him in Hunter Street Baptist Church for K. After touring the facility we feel like it will be a better environment for him (it’s more colorful and fun, it’s really hands on, there are less kids, he only goes from 9-1, and he gets to spend a lot of time outside). I’m excited to see how he blossoms in a school setting.

He really has not enjoyed Tball very much, he has been really grumpy and disobedient pretty much the whole season (other than when he gets to bat and wear a helmet) but I’m glad we put him in it just so he could see that he can do hard things plus he’s learned so much just from playing the game: team comradely, direction, and coordination. He is really such a good hitter and he’s really good at going after the ball in the outfield, it’s just not his thing and that’s okay. His second to last game was his best one. At this point he’d made-friends on the team and his fun little goofy self was starting to surface. It was fun to see him making new friends. Usually he’s the one playing in the dirt but This game he walked up two different times to two different teammates, tapped them on the shoulders and said “umm the rule is that you are not supposed to play int the dirt, k”. I squeezed him tight and told him how proud I was of him for being a great leader and example to his friends. He beamed from ear to ear.

Becks loves Baseball. I think we may have found his sport. He is naturally good at it. The first time the coach practiced coach pitch at a game he knocked it out of the park. He has the best throw and he runs so incredibly fast. He loves the sport! He said he’ll be sad when it ends.

He is growing into such an incredible person. I love his love for learning. I love listening to him give all of his reports and to see his personality shine through. I love his love for our planet and his respect for Mother Earth. I love how much he loves his brother now and how much he’s willing to help him. When he sees him fall he runs to help him up. He helps him when he can’t figure out the iPad, he helps him with baseball, and he loves playing with him.

Homeschooling has officially come to an end. I had the most sacred, beautiful experience as I finished the last day with Beckahm. Right after I gave him a big hug and told him congratulations and how proud I was of him, how honored I was I have been his teacher, I felt the strongest, most incredible feeling wash over me telling me how proud God was of me for trusting in his will, listening to the spirit and giving it my all in educating Beckahm this year. Tears filled my eyes and so much gratitude filled my heart! I got on my knees and thanked God for inspiring me on this journey and for qualifying me to do something I never thought I could do. I asked him to please keep my heart open to always receive inspiration regarding everything but especially the path I needed to take to raise my children. I know that I failed so many times during this homeschooling journey, I know I may have been impatient at moments, frustrated, felt feelings of guilt but I know I’m my heart that I gave it my all, I know I focused on the things that matter most (character building things) and I know that he learned so much this year. It truly was the most incredible experience! I just hope and pray that this new journey of him being put back in the public school system will be the right decision.

For his end of the year project he drew all the things he had learned about on a pillowcase, it turned out so cute and I’m so proud of him for his hard work in doing it. I also put together a little luau breakfast to welcome the summer and printed off their graduation certificates and gave them each their summer adventure back packs which they loved. I also put together a slide show of all the wonderful moments we had together the past year. I got so emotional telling him about how honored I was to be his teacher, what a growing experience it was for me, and the sacred moment I had (the feelings I felt when we finished). He had never seen me cry before and as he watched me get emotional his eyes filled up with tears and he said “don’t cry mama, you’re going to start making me cry!” Oh how I love him!

Later that night he said to me “I want to tell you something mom! I’m so proud of you for homeschooling me! You were the best teacher!” He reaped his arms around me and gave me a big hug! Totally melted my heart!

This past week has been one of the most stressful weeks—trying to get homeschool wrapped up, trying to look for a home (spending 3 unplanned days to find something) and getting ready to go camping. Saturday came, I finished school, packed the car for our 1st ever camp trip and I cleaned my house super good because our realtor was coming over to check out the house to see what we could list it for. All the while taking care of Blue and Ni (the got fleas and a stray cat got in our house one night and attacked them both and hurt Nis leg pretty bad. Later today I noticed Blues leg is also injured some how 🙄🙄. So much stress!

Saturday mike came to look at the houses I had picked and we both fell in love with this gorgeous house. To make a long story short after spending so much time looking for homes, it was so nice to actually like one and feel like it was yours! I kept praying that we’d find financing that could help us afford it (it was 309).

The next morning—the day we were gong to go camping—I noticed it was pending. I basically broke down after that. I started down the negative train and it was hard to get them out of my head. I saw our vision board and realizing the year is already 1/2 way over and we haven’t done much on that board. It depresses me and it sent me for a spiral. I broke down. I vocalized to mike how frustrated I was, how angry I was at myself for not being able to let this disappointment, and trusting in God that it wasn’t the right move surface...I just could master it for some reason.

It was hard to let it all go but once we got to the farm I felt an immediate sense of release.


The boys are changing so much! Just watching Becks learn how to really ride a skateboard and seeing him ride around the neighborhood made me realize how quickly time is passing. Amari is obsessed with riding his bike everyday, he is getting so good at it. Amaris prayers are getting so cute too—it’s fun to see what they think about and care about and see that translate into how they talk to God.

I have to say I’m so grateful the boys now share a room, it has helped their relationship tremendously. It’s fun (and can be annoying) to hear them stay up late at night playing, quarreling, wrestling, talking. Nothing matters more to me than raising them to have a good relationship and closeness (something I never had with my siblings).

I haven’t written much about our debate with homeschool. I’ve prayed about it now that we’ve finished a year and need to think about next year. Amari finished speech at Mcadory and we went through the whole spill about him enrolling there in the fall and I just felt sick to my stomach, he’s not ready to be at school for 8 hrs and I’m a public school at that. So we toured s Christian school that they do all their sports through and we decided to enroll him there at Hunter Street Baptist. It’s only from 9-1 and it’s a smaller K class. We felt really good about it so we’ll see how it goes.

We toured a Montessori school for Beckahm that’s 30 min from us. And we fell in love with it. We were so close to enrolling Becks but we pulled out last minute because of the cost. We are just unsure if we will be able to pay $1000 a month and our goal this year is to get out of debt and travel more. I just don’t feel it’s the right thing to do until we know that our salary is going to increase.

So as of now we are trying to find a house in a better school district. We’ve looked at probably 50 + homes and as I’ve written about above, It’s been super stressful to say the least. The homes are either not in our budget, need massive renovations which would take a lot of extra money as well, or they have absolutely not back yard and are packed in like sardines. I hope and pray that we find something we like ASAP. And I hope and pray that we made the best decision to put Becks back in public school even though I don’t agree with the school system whatsoever. I just felt in regards to homeschool that he needed something more. We’ll see, if it’s not a good experience I’ll just pull him out and homeschool him.


Becks summer camp: Camp Fletcher

And just like that he’s all grown up and going off to his first week of summer camp ⛺️. Such a cutie! He was a little bit nervous walking into the dining hall for breakfast but he aced the day like the champ he is!

He told me he didn’t know where to go when he got in there so he just got some breakfast and sat down at a table. He started to cry 😢. It broke my heart hearing this! I hate seeing my boys go through hard things even though I know it’s good for them. He said a camp counselor finally found him and told him what group he was in.

He loved everything after that!


He had to partner with a buddy—they stayed with each other all day, his name was Andrew. They even made them go to the bathroom together, “I was okay with that,” he said.

They raised the flag, sang camp songs (which he proceeded to sing till he went to bed 😂), swam in the pool, learned how to get out from under a 🛶 and how to row; played field games, learned how to play Jacks (now his favorite game), ate lunch (he had chicken nuggets, lettuce with ranch, beans, and a cookie. He said he loved the salad and the cookie ☺️; he got to shop at the snack shack (he chose a bracelet—of course— an airhead and a juice).

He’s pumped about going back for two more days and then another week in July. 

Amari on the other hand was so sad being without his sidekick all day—it’s the first time they have been apart for a whole year. He did not want to go in the gym today by himself. All day he kept saying, “where’s Becks? Where’s Becks.” That broke my heart too, but it also made me so happy just seeing how much he loves and misses his brother. I had a talk with him about standing on his own and how he was incredible at making his own friends but he wouldn’t have it. He said “I don’t want to make friends, friends are mean!I want Beckahm!” 😢😢 He loves his big brother Beckahm ❤️❤️ It will be interesting to see how this next year goes with them being in school apart from each other all year. #summatime #campfletcher #summercamp