Mike took Amari to Utah with him for his brothers wedding. Unfortunately we were all unable to go because of expenses but I am glad they were able to go and represent our family. I was also so excited to be able to spend some a lone time with Beckahm; I haven't had one on one time with him since Amari was born. I had a FUN week planned for the both of us.
It was so precious to witness how sad he was to see his baby brother go. Even though he doesn't play with him and he is always fighting with his brother, when it was time to take them to the airport he got really sad and nervous. He kept asking me if "baby Mari and Daddy were going to come back?" Some of the other cute things he said that day: "I am going to give baby Mari kisses all over his face." "I don't want to miss my baby brother." "I miss Daddy and Mari!" After we said our goodbyes at the airport he started to cry and said "mom, I miss Amari!" My heart melted. I have been WAITING for some loving feeling towards his brother to resonate with him and today I got to see it in full force. I told him it was good to miss someone and it was okay to feel sad, it just proves to us that we love someone very much. I told him I wanted him to feel whatever he was feeling—that it was important—and to also realize that Amari and Daddy would be back in a few days and that this was a great time for him and I to connect and do lots of fun things.
Our first adventure began right after the airport. I took Becks to the Zoo (Memorial Day). I can even begin to describe how much fun we had looking at all the animals and being together, just the two of us. I felt like a totally different mom—completely stress free, totally engaged, relaxed, connected . . . it was incredible. Beckahm was an entirely different person as well—less whinny, more relaxed, BEYOND happy. You could tell that he LOVED having so much attention and fun with his Mommy. He seemed so much more grown up and brave. In fact, he even rode on a camel all by himself. I asked him if he was sure he could do it and he kept saying to me "mom, I can do this!" He jumped on that camel like it was nothing! You could tell by the time he got off that he was so proud of himself. It made my day! He also was brave enough to feed the giraffes. My heart swelled within me as I watched from a distance the giggles, laughter, and bravery and excitement emanating from him. He was so, so proud of himself!
We got to spend the entire afternoon at the zoo (we skipped his nap)—seeing everything there was to see, including a lion show training where he got to see the lions up close, and a sea lion show that he thought was so funny. We rode the carousel together, played in the splash pad, and had lunch. It was such a FUN day with him! He skipped all the way to the car with a huge smile on his face while saying: "I had the best day ever mom! You are the best mom ever!!!" And then on the car ride home he said "I miss Daddy and Amari." I asked him what his favorite part of the zoo was and he said "riding the camel and feeding the giraffe." Then he said to me "what was your favorite part mom?" I said "my favorite part was watching how brave you were feeding that giraffe and riding that camel all by yourself; it made Mommy so happy!" He said "no mom, you have to have your own favorite part, not about me" :). I then repeated my answer but he was adamant about knowing what I liked outside of his accomplishments, so I told him seeing the lions. He then said "what do you think Amari's favorite part would have been?" It totally melted my heart hearing him think of his brother. He then answered his own question by saying "the carousel." Then he asked me what I thought Daddy's favorite part would have been." And I told him the sea lion show :).
Tuesday we went to the pool at the YMCA near Homewood with the splash pad/water slide. He LOVED it. He was just so easy going, content, and happy all day doing fun things with me. After naps I took him to a movie (he wanted to see the Lego movie again), and we had popcorn and candy. Then we went on a few errands and then I took him to Johnny Rockets for hamburgers, fries, and shakes.
These past two days have already felt like I have been at a spa retreat for two days, that is how relaxing and easy things have been for me. I have realized that I want to make this a tradition every year: alone time with each of my children. I want to have one on one time with Amari and one on one time with Beckahm. It is so important to nourish the individual relationships you have with your kids. I am so happy that Mike is able to have some one on one time with Amari—a little Daddy/Son bonding. I am so grateful for my two little boys and the different talents and traits they bring into our home. I love them each individually in so many ways. I am grateful that I had this time to reconnect with Beckahm and be reminded of all the things I love about him and all the ways we have so much fun together.
Wednesday I took Becks and his buddy Bentlee to Airwalk Trampoline Park (always a fun time). We had so much fun jumping and goofing off.
These two and their conversations crack me up
After a workout at the gym we went to dinner at one of his favorite spots: Tropical Smoothie. I crack up every time he drinks a smoothie, he always says "brain freeze" :)
After dinner we went to his other favorite spot: Barnes and Noble. I love that he is a bookworm. As we were leaving he said out loud "by books, it was nice to read you."
Thursday we spent time at the library and then we went to dinner and went to Beck's first soccer practice at the gym (I signed him up for a tri-sport evening camp once a week at the YMCA. He learns soccer, basketball, and t-ball). It was chaotic with 25 3-4year olds trying to take direction, understand how to share, how to work as a team, how to take turns, and learn the rules of soccer, but all in all it was the most adorable setting. I was beyond proud to see how well Beckahm took direction, how obedient to his coaches instructions, how much he participated, how WELL he did for his first time. He had his little moments of being upset that he had to share his soccer ball with everyone else, of having to take turns, etc., but compared to a lot of the kids there, he was the most obedient, the most attentive, and really one of the best at grasping the concepts and executing them. He stopped the ball and kicked it into the goal his first try! I was so impressed. Also, there were so many parents there and not 1 was proactive in helping the two coaches and helping their children in general. I was the only one that stepped forward and was super aggressive and proactive in giving encouragement to the kids, helping them learn the sport and helping them take direction. At the end of it Beck's said "mom, that was so much fun, can we come back and do it again?" I told him how proud I was of him for all the aforementioned things I saw him do, and he was so cute, he said to me "mom, I am proud of you, for being a coach!" So adorable.
So excited about his new ball!
HAHA I LOVED that the first thing they did was warm up; he totally started running with a smile on his face
Waiting for his turn to kick the ball
"SOCCER"
Stop at the gas station after soccer practice
I LOVE that he is such a lover of words! #bookworm
Thoughts about my 4 days with Becks
“Be here now”. Stop, slow down, live in the moment, breathe, be here now. This advice resonates with my mothering soul but my reality— the seemingly never ending, some times overwhelming, and yes often redundant tasks of keeping up with the speed needed to take care of four little running, messy, and falling feet— keeps me from “being here now.” It seems as though time and tasks are never on my side; my attention is never equally engaging enough or equally split enough between two boys.
Glancing through old videos and pictures, feeling the surges of guilt course through my veins as I think back on all of the quiet, connected, in the moment moments I had with my first born, makes me realize there is nothing I long for more than to have my boys remember their mother as engaging, educating, energetic, and enlightening; than to have those moments with both of my boys—individually and collectively.
And so when that moment came for me to “fill that empty bucket,” I FILLED IT.
I was fortunate to have that moment given to me when my husband had to attend a wedding out of state and decided to take our youngest son with him. Although I missed my little towhead, blue eyed boy dearly, I was giddy thinking about these 4 days that would give back to me those quiet, connecting, in the moment moments with my first born.
The past four days have been life changing for both my little man and me. It was a gift to be able to have time slow down and be able to realize, all over again, just how incredible this little human being really is; to be able to enjoy him for everything that makes him unique and beautiful to me—to be reminded of all of the talents, awareness’s, strengths, and gifts he brings into my life.
I think he had the best four days of his life; I have never seen him so happy. I have never heard him say so many times “you’re the best mom in the world!” “I love having fun with you mom”; “this is the best day ever!” I have never received so many spontaneous, genuine hugs and kisses. And I have never felt so stress free and so completely recharged as a mother.
I made sure to document every thing we did so he and I could one day look back and remember that we had those in the moments moments, to remember there were times of connectedness, times of nothing but FUN, times of engagement, times of laughter, times of undivided attention and love. Coming out of these four days I realize just how much I want to be proactive in making this a tradition—for my husband and I to have alone time with each of our kids; to connect with them, to let them know we love them, appreciate them, and SEE them as individuals.
The second epiphany I had (forgetting what it was like to only have one child) is that although there are less spots on my floor, less handprints on my wall, less poop on my hands, less laundry to do, less crying and whining, less mouths to feed, less dishes to scrub . . . there is also more emptiness, more laughter missing, more learning and experiences to be had, and more love waiting to be given. And so although this alone time with my big boy was the highlight of my month, I look forward to loving on my little munchkin and being a mother to four little running, messy, falling feet. I look forward to proactively trying to take the moments for what they are (small, great, few and far between) and know that “being here now” is met in those ordinary mother/son moments of engagement, education, energy, and enlightenment.
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